Change and Revelation
by Shara1
Summary: Revised 5-19-2004 There is some Shonen Ai content in this story about growing, changing and being honest with yourself. This is set during the X-1999 timeline


Hello Minna!  
  
The Clamp artists own the Characters in this story. Waah!! They are so cool! I am only borrowing the characters for sake of amusement.   
Rating: Shonen Ai, PG 13 for dealing with the concept of sexual orientation   
Series: Clamp School Detectives  
Parings: None at this time  
Title: Change and Revelation  
  
'The clamp school airport is as busy as usual,' Nagisa noted as she looked out one of the large windows that lined the terminal walls. Sad eyes traced the graceful lines of a jet as it started down the runway. The nose of the jet lifted into the air followed shortly by the tail as it effortlessly glided up into clear morning sky. As the jet faded from view Nagisa glanced at her reflection in the glass, long lavender hair done up in pigtails framed the delicate fairy like face that gazed silently back at her from the window's surface. The purple dress that matched the color of her hair flowed gently around her legs like violet water. Her long fingers clutched tightly to the flute case she held in her hands. Part of her hoped that Suoh wouldn't come to see her off as she left the Clamp campus for what might be the last time. But she knew in her heart that she wouldn't get that lucky.  
  
Suoh would figure out that she was leaving and come to confront her. Her strong handsome samurai would stare at her with those beautiful golden eyes, his whole face begging her to stay even if his pride would not allow him to voice his desire. 'This isn't going to be easy.' Nagisa thought to herself as she looked away from the window watching her fellow travelers as they passed through the terminal on their separate journeys.  
  
She had to leave him, the one she loved best. It was sad fact, but true that the quite young man with a mind of steel and a deeply loving heart who had filled her dreams had never been hers to begin with. Without completely understanding the full import of his actions, he had given himself to someone else long before she had ever met him. What made the situation even more painful was the fact that Suoh had no notion that he was living his life as others wished him to without giving any thought to what he wanted.   
  
As the eldest son of an ancient family the direction of Suoh's life had been obvious from birth. He had learned the family arts performing well beyond expectations. He attended the best schools where he met a beautiful woman who he had proposed to just as he had been expected too. All that was left was for Nagisa to accept his proposal to become his wife and produce heirs and his family obligations would be complete.   
  
Unfortunately Nagisa would have to decline the offer despite the affection she had always held for the Takamura heir. It had been a delight and honor to realize that of all the women on and off of campus, Takamura Suoh had chosen to propose to her. It was wonderful to know that the person she cared for so deeply cared for her enough to chose her to be his wife. He was truly a special friend and always would be no matter where their lives took them.   
  
However, if she accepted his offer she would be consigning herself to a lonely existence. Most of his time was given over to the man he chose to protect. For it was his purpose as a Takamura to defend the one he believed worthy of such an honor. She knew that she was second in his heart and always would be and that was unacceptable to her. Takamura Suoh was a wonderful man, but he could never be hers first and foremost. If she bound herself to someone who was already bound to someone else she would never have the freedom to find a love of her own who could give her the whole of himself.   
  
'I wish I could be angry with you Nokoru sama, for stealing Suoh's heart. But if anyone has tried to make the romance between Suoh and myself work, it was been you.' She thought back on all the times the chairman of Clamp campus had arranged for Suoh to have seemingly chance encounters with her. A romantic move, a quiet ride on the campus lake, that lovely day they all got to watch the sun set together. A soft smile slipped over her face despite her sadness. 'I know you do this because you want to make Suoh happy. But as bright as you are you still haven't figured out that being with you is when Suoh is the happiest that I have ever seen him. I don't think either of you has any concept of how much you love each other.'  
  
'I love you with all that I am, Suoh. But one day you will come to understand where your true love lies. What will happen then? All I can see is pain for us both if I agreed to accept your proposal.' Looking up into the window again Nagisa started as the reflection of a tall blue haired young man looking smart in a dark navy business suit stared back at her from the glass. She spun around to look into the pain filled liquid gold of Suoh's eyes. Unable to look away Nagisa winced at the hurt in those deep eyes even though she had known what she would see in them before she turned around.  
  
"Suoh," Nagisa's voice cracked and she was unable to say anything more.  
  
The strong plains of Suoh's face were heavy with sadness. Despite all the questions he had rehearsed as on his way over to the airport only one word came out of his lips when he finally found his voice. "Why?"  
  
Nagisa closed her eyes. 'So many reasons, but only a few that I can actually tell you.' She thought bitterly.   
  
'What do I say?' She wondered as she gazed into the bright eyes of the samurai. 'You deserve to hear the truth. But I can't tell you the real reason. You're not ready to face your feelings yet.'   
  
What would wound him the least? Blinking she reexamined what she had just thought. 'That's right, he is a Takamura, he acts as Nokoru's bodyguard. It isn't the only reason I am leaving, but it is one of them.'  
  
The warrior watched as Nagisa's face settled into a look of sadness and regret. It hurt to watch her knowing she had set her mind on leaving him. But it made no sense. He knew she loved him, so why? With stern control he kept silent giving the musician a chance to gather her thoughts.   
  
"I can't stay here, Suoh. Who you are demands that you put yourself into the thick of trouble. I worry about you. Even when everything is fine I know at a moment's notice you will step between Nokoru and danger. You would do that for any of us. Its what you must do. I understand that. I don't doubt your abilities, Suoh. But even the best isn't always good enough. It terrifies me that you might not come back to me one day. I'm sorry; I'm just not strong enough to live like this. Being constantly afraid for your life is wearing me down.   
  
Suoh felt his heart break as he watched fear and love mingle on Nagisa's lovely face. His chest was tight suddenly making breathing an effort. Ignoring the stinging in his eyes, Suoh nodded in acquiescence. If Nagisa couldn't accept what he was there was no way they would be able to make a life together. But that knowledge didn't stop his heart from hurting. 'What will I do without you?' he wondered silently. Out loud he murmured, "I will miss you."  
  
Nagisa dropped her eyes as she inclined her head in acknowledgement. "I will miss you too. But you won't be alone. You have friends who will take good care of you. Akira, Nokoru, and Utako will keep you company if you let them."  
  
"But what of you? What will you do out in the world all alone." Suoh asked hating himself for mentioning it but still needing to know that she would be ok.   
  
The musician smiled," I won't forget any of you. But I have friends where I am going next. And I know I will make more. It will be very hard to find someone as wonderful as you are though. " Taking a few tentative steps Nagisa narrowed the gap between Suoh and herself. "You will always have a special place in my heart Suoh."  
  
Stiffening at her sudden closeness Suoh looked down into the softness of Nagisa's lavender hair. Hesitantly he brought his arms up folding them around her. Nagisa buried her head in the ninja's chest breathing in his sent. It was incredible to feel his strong arms wrapped around her. Nagisa shivered, pushing back the tears that formed as she though of how this would be one of the last times that he would hold her as anything other than a friend. Reluctantly breaking away from the embrace Nagisa glanced up at Suoh her eyes serious. "Promise me something Suoh."  
  
"Of course, what is it?" Suoh asked taking Nagisa's hands into his own. Nervously he ran a hand though her soft hair hoping her request was something he could promise her. "  
  
"Promise me that you won't do something silly like deciding that you'll never fall in love again." Seeing the look on his face Nagisa's eyes hardened and she let go of one of Suoh's hands to point at his chest. "There is someone out there for you. It can't be me as much as I would like it to be. But I will never forgive you or myself if you deny yourself happiness on account of me. "  
  
A sheepish look came over Suoh's face momentarily, but his face became serious once more as he regained control almost instantly. 'She's so clever; of course she knew what I would have done. I can't have her going away angry. I must agree even though I can't even begin to imagine finding someone else.' Maybe one day he would find someone who could accept him for who he was. Dipping his head Suoh squeezed the hand he still held. "Oh my honor, I will keep my heart open. I cannot promise that I will find someone. But I won't close off my heart. Know that there'll always be a place for you within it. No one else may ever have that place.   
  
Warmth flowed through Nagisa at Suoh's words her heart filled with happiness knowing he would always care for her even if it wasn't in the way she had hoped it would be. Her heart was lighter as she knew suddenly that despite all the pain that she was doing the right thing. It would work out in the end. He would never break his word of honor.   
  
A young woman's voice crackled to life from the intercom system. "All passengers of flight 138 may begin boarding at gate number 8."  
  
"That's my flight," Nagisa admitted apologetically giving Suoh one last hug. I have to go now, but I have one last thing to ask of you. Utako-chan has Akira-san to look out for her. But Nokoru-san is too alone. Please continue to take good care of him."  
  
Suoh smiled softly at the young woman before him. Nagisa chan you are always thinking of others feelings. I think that is one of the reasons I care for you so much." You're right; he is too much alone. I promise to keep him from being lonely as best I can."  
  
"Then I am satisfied." Nagisa backed away still clutching her flute case. "I will write you as soon as I have settled in. I promise!" Her spirit soared as she turned towards gate 8. Nokoru and Suoh, two of the people she loved best would find each other. She couldn't say how, but she just knew it would happen. Waving at Suoh she joined the line at the gate and stepped forward towards tomorrow hopes glowing brightly in her heart.   
  
Suoh watched her go with sadness in his heart. When she disappeared into the plane Suoh started walking back towards the Imonoyama mansion and Nokoru. The second promise he had made to Nagisa would be easier to keep than the first. Nokoru was much like Nagisa in a lot of ways. Both of them were beautiful, intelligent, and caring. Like the musician, Nokoru always put the concerns of others before himself. He cared deeply for every living thing. Which was why he refused to let many people get close to him. Despite their philanthropic ways the Imonoyama's had their share of enemies. Those who were close to the Imonoyama's often became targets. It was after all, how he had made friends with Nokoru in the first place.  
  
Akira and Utako being newlyweds tended to spend more time together than they had before. It was quite understandable, but still it left Nokoru more alone than usual. "I wonder what we should do. Perhaps a move would take his mind off of his troubles."  
  
As he considered this, another thought appeared in his mind and he smiled. "Clever Nagisa, You've got me thinking about someone else's problems. In thinking of ways to help Nokoru I am making myself feel better. Which I am sure was your plan all along. Thank you for being so considerate, Nagisa chan. You will be greatly missed. "   
  
Clasping his hands behind his back Suoh walked down the winding path through the campus blind to the beautiful scenery all around him. He couldn't hear the chatter of students as they walked to their classes or hear the songs of the birds as they played in the many trees that surrounded the campus grounds. Nagisa was gone now, on her way across the sea. His mind was awash with emotions he wasn't used to dealing with.   
  
Disappointment, sadness, but most of all confusion dominated his thoughts. He still felt unhappy, but not lost or alone the way he had thought he would feel. It was puzzling. The person he had offered to share his life with, who he had envisioned as the mother of his children had rejected his proposal. Shouldn't he be feeling as if the world had fallen out from beneath him?   
  
Looking up from the contemplation of his emotions he noticed the impressive structure of the Imonoyama mansion as it loomed over him. Suoh glanced away from the mansion looking towards the clock tower in confusion. "How could I have gotten here so quickly I am certain I only left the airport a few moments ago." Glancing up at the face of the clock Suoh scratched his head in wonder as he read the time. "Wow, I must really have been out of it if it took me over an hour and a half to get over here and I didn't even notice how much time had passed."   
  
Scanning the windows he looked over to the one he knew held the chairman's office. "I wonder if Nokoru will be in his office now. He should be considering how much paperwork he had piled up in front of his desk this morning. But that hasn't stopped him from playing hooky before." The guard knew his face so well that he didn't even blink as Suoh sailed into the mansion through the large ornate door. He paused near the door long enough to remove his shoes before taking the corridor that lead to Nokoru's office.  
  
Suoh let his legs carry him through the halls on their own as he sank back into his thoughts. This time they centered on his best friend, the chairman of Clamp campus and the youngest son of the famous Imonoyama group.   
  
'Rijichou is probably alone right now despite having a whole house full of visitors. Perhaps I can talk him into going somewhere with me. I don't really feel like being alone right now either. And despite the fact that he hates paper work Rijichou does work very hard. If he has actually finished the paperwork he had piled up he will need a break about now.' Suoh lifted a hand to his chin stroking it as he considered where a good place to go would be. Suddenly there was a wall in front of him and Suoh could go no further.  
  
Shaking his head in a self-depreciating manner he couldn't help but grin. "I did it again. I was so lost in thought; I walked right past the office door. I wonder if he is even in there. Retracing his steps Suoh walked halfway down the hall until he came to a tall set of doors. Stilling the hand he was about to knock on the door with he looked down the hall his attention caught by the sound of approaching footsteps. The footfalls were quite and Suoh smiled. Akira was hurrying down the hall or the sound of his passing wouldn't be heard at all. The treasurer of clamp was as quiet as a thief when he chose to be.   
  
Akira nodded his raven head to Suoh as he approached Rijichou's door. He wore a suit much like Suoh's it was even the same deep blue in color. In his hands he held a tray filled with food." His expressive face was drawn up with worry and distress. Akira's silver grey eyes seemed dull and flat his smile only half hearted.   
  
Suoh's smiled faded. Something was seriously wrong. "Akira, is something the matter?'  
  
"Its Rijichou," Akira shrugged in the general direction of the office doors. "This morning when he came in he seemed upset about something. I tried to find out what it was but he just kept changing the subject. So I finally gave up. But then he started to work. He has been working non-stop all day. He hasn't taken one break; not even to have tea. This isn't like him at all. I think it's wonderful that he's getting his work done on such a timely manner, but there is just something wrong about the way he is working. Though I couldn't tell you what it might be."  
  
"Hmm, your right that isn't normal for Rijichou, unless he is working to try and take his mind off something. He does do that sometimes." Suoh rubbed long fingers thoughtfully over his chin.   
  
Akira looked down at his tray his eyes still filled with worry. "Perhaps we should see if we can't get him to talk about whatever it is bothering him. With you here we might have a better chance. He has so many pressures to deal with as it is; I hate to see him doing this to himself. He needs to take a break occasionally."  
  
Smiling reassuringly Suoh nodded giving Akira a pat on the shoulder. "A fine idea. Let's see what we can do." Raising his other hand Suoh tapped on the office door.  
  
Nokoru looked down at the paper he held in his hands. It was the very last piece of paperwork he had for the next few days. He had been working so diligently that he could probably take tomorrow off if he truly wanted to. Slowly he let the hand holding his stamp descend upon the paper knowing full well that once he was finished there wouldn't be anything to keep him from worrying about what his friend's reactions would be when they found out that he had been keeping a secret from them.  
  
As the stamp touched down the chairman knew it was already too late. His mind had already started down that path again. 'I love them both they are my best friends. So how can I continue to hide this from them? I need to tell them the truth. But what happens if it forces them away? I don't have many friends. I can't afford to have many friends. I don't want to loose the ones I have. Why did this all have to blow up on the day Nagisa left? I don't want to hurt Suoh more than he has already been hurt today.' Miserable Nokoru lifted the paper and set it down on the completed stack. Glaring balefully at the stamp he flipped the lid on the stamp pad closed. A knock on the door caught his attention and he looked up at the door as he dabbed the stamp with some cleaning fluid. "Come in"  
  
Suoh entered the large airy office first his golden eyes going wide when he saw the amount of paperwork piled up next to the chairman's desk that Nokoru had managed to work though. 'Incredible,' he thought to himself, "Its amazing what he can get done when he puts his mind to it."  
  
Akira slid into the room behind him pulling the door shut with a prod from his foot. Delicious aromas filled the office as Akira set the tray down on a low table near some chairs on the left side of the office.   
  
Smiling over at Nokoru, Suoh took a moment to appreciate the chairman. Despite the obvious strain on his sculptured face Nokoru was as handsome as ever. Bright blue eyes wide set in a face surround by a halo of golden hair. It was no wonder nearly all the women on campus pined for him. "It looks like you have the paperwork well in hand Rijichou. Why don't you take a break and come and have some tea? Akira this looks delicious. I am sure you have outdone yourself again."   
  
Akira looked over at Suoh in curiosity. "But how can you know without even tasting it first."  
  
Nokoru pushed himself away from the desk joining his friends at the couch. 'Perhaps now is the time to tell them. I may loose them. But I just can't deal with the constant stress of not knowing what's going to happen any longer.'  
  
"Everything you make is wonderful Akira. We don't have to eat a bite to know that it will be good." Nokoru assured his friend as he leaned back into the overstuffed couch.  
  
Blushing with the praise Akira cut the cake into slices and placed a piece on plate for each of them. "Thank you, Rijichou.  
  
"Your welcome," Nokoru murmured accepting his piece of cake. Looking down at it he wondered how many more times he would be able to spend a quite afternoon like this with his friends. His hand trembled as he lifted his fork. The terrible fear that he would lose the two people he cared about the most came flooding back to him.  
  
Noticing the shaking of the Rijichou's hand, Suoh looked up at Nokoru's face. He was surprised to see fear so plainly written there. "Rijichou, Is everything all right?"  
  
Blue eyes locked on gold for a moment as Nokoru was startled from his thoughts.   
  
'Caught' Nokoru thought as he looked into his friend's eyes. 'He knows something is wrong and now he won't stop until he finds out what it is.'  
  
Gulping audibly Nokoru fought the urge to run. Using all the courage he had he forced the words out of his mouth. "I...there's something I need to tell you. Something I learned about myself a while ago. I should have told you about this when I fist found out, but I was afraid. I was afraid that you might not want to be my friends any longer if you knew."  
  
Oddly, something in the way Nokoru spoke made Suoh's chest contract tightly at the blond's words. What could Nokoru have learned that would make him think his friends would turn away from him?  
  
.   
  
"Why would you be afraid? We're your best friends, Rijichou. If anyone would understand you it's us." The ninja glanced up at his dark haired friend as Akira asked Suoh's unspoken question.  
  
Turning back to watch Nokoru closely, Suoh leaned forward so that he could comfort the blond if it was necessary. "Akira's right, there's very little you could tell us that would endanger our friendship, Nokoru. What is it that you're afraid to tell us? I promise you we will listen with open minds."  
  
"You say that not knowing what it is." Nokoru sighed, but lowered his eyes resigned to his task. "I am a homosexual."  
  
Akira blinked," Is that a sub set of Homo sapien?"  
  
Nokoru and Suoh both turned to stare at their friend for a moment struck mute by Akira's question. The treasurer of clamp campus could be oblivious sometimes, but could anyone really be that na‹ve? Maybe it was Akira's way of trying to make them feel better. Despite the stress of this moment or perhaps because of it Nokoru began to laugh. It started off as small titters, but grew quickly into a full belly gale. Holding his stomach, Nokoru forced himself to breathe. "I am pretty sure I am as human as you are, Akira. What I meant was that, when it comes to love and romance I prefer other men.  
  
"Oh! Ok!" Akira smiled widely and it was impossible to tell from his expression if he was just joking or if he had been serious about his earlier question," I'm glad you're not an alien. Though I don't think it would matter if you were from outer space. Actually it would be kind of interesting if you were. You could have super powers or antennae or something like that. Just imagine all the fun we could have then."   
  
As Akira spoke, Suoh carefully considered his feelings about the secret Nokoru had just revealed. The revelation had taken him by surprise, but as he thought back he realized that there had been a fair number of signs that Nokoru might prefer his own sex.   
  
Women always surrounded Nokoru, and yet he never allowed any close enough to get to know him. That in and of itself wasn't proof of Nokoru's sexual orientation. However when considered along with the fact that the handsome blond had admitted once when they were still in grade school that the ladies wouldn't be satisfied with him if they truly got to know him the idea that he might be gay was at least a possibility.   
  
It was almost as if he had known as early as the tender age of twelve that he would be unable to fulfill their expectations. Whether he had known how he felt for certain at that point didn't really matter. It was clear that Nokoru had kept the secret for a long time. Concern over what his friends might think when they found must have eating away at him for years. It was no wonder that the blond was so unsure of himself having had endured having so much uncertainty for so long.   
  
"Rijichou, you are the one I chose to protect as well as my friend. I would never have chosen someone who was unworthy. Your sexual preference does nothing to change my admiration for you. I would serve no one else, accept that for the gift that it is and stop feeling guilty for being who you are."  
  
Utterly amazed by their easy acceptance Nokoru stared dumbfounded at his friend. He found himself drowning in golden pools as the sound of Suoh's voice snapped him out of the spell he had fallen under.   
  
Tears burned in Nokoru's eyes. All the strain and pain that he had been living with began to dissolve leaving his heart feeling very light. Like silvery jewels tears began to fall down the chairman's face tracing patterns over his cheeks.   
  
"Rijichou?" Suoh and Akira asked at the same time.   
  
Pulling out a handkerchief, Nokoru dabbed his eyes. "It's ok. It really is. All this time I was afraid you would hate me. But you're both so understanding. I've been such a fool." A giddy laugh escaped him and his voice trembled with the release of long buried emotions. "I should have been more trusting. I'm sorry fore underestimating you so grievously. I may not have many friends, but I am very lucky in the friends I do have. Thank you both for putting up with me."  
  
Silver eyes shined suspiciously as Akira ducked his head quickly in a low almost reverent bow. "I could think of no greater honor to be your friend."  
  
Smiling softly, Suoh nodded in complete agreement with Akira. "You have enough to worry about in your life; you shouldn't have to add the fear of rejection to the list. Which reminds me, now that I think of all your responsibilities I see that you've finished your paperwork. Would you like to go and do something together tonight? It would help to take my mind off Nagisa and I'm sure you could use some time to sit back and relax."   
  
"That's a splendid idea, Takamura senpai! I would have to ask Utako, but I'm sure we could manage it." Akira clapped his hands his bright eyes shining with exuberance.  
  
"Perhaps a we could take in movie? Or maybe we should visit that new restaurant that just opened up?" Nokoru suggested his heart soaring joyfully. He was so relieved he couldn't believe that he had carried such a heavy burden for so long. 'I should have done this sooner. I have been beating myself up for no reason. But how was I to know they would take it so well?'   
  
"Why don't you go call Utako now and let her know we are thinking of going out," Suoh suggested. "She can help us decide where to go."  
  
Settling back into his chair the chairman took a bite of his cake as he watched Akira make his way to the phone. The cake was delicious as always, and he gave Akira a smile of appreciation as he basked in the glow of their friendship. They were a team. He should have known that it would take more than revealing himself to be gay to disrupt this triad.  
  
The End  
  
Japanese Glossary:  
minna: everyone  
rijichou: chairman  
sama: means lord and is used when being very respectful to someone of high rank  
chan: From the Japanese, meaning "darling" or "little one". A suffix attached to names, only used with a child, or for women and girls. 


End file.
